so much anger so deeply engrained
seemed a burden that was hers alone
she didn't think that there was anything wrong
with wanting a life that she could call her own
~Sarah McLachlan
Home
Frankie watched as Bianca went through her clothes, pulling out a punky muscle t-shirt that Frankie hadn't looked at in ages. Man, I should really look at my clothes more often...what was I thinking?
"Can I wear this today?" Bianca said as she held it up to herself. Frankie snorted.
"I don't think your mother will like it." Bianca smiled.
"Even better." A thought struck Frankie, scaring her back into her insecurities.
"Is that why you're here?" Bianca caught the vulnerability in the question.
"I'm here because you called me." She reassured her. "You said that you were alone and scared, and I thought you needed company." Well, she was right on there.
"I did." But that's the first time in a long time someone's cared.
Bianca smiled.
"Well, so did I. Isn't it amazing the way we connected last night?" Bianca asked. Frankie looked down as Bianca continued to speak. "I mean, all night I've just felt so close to you, like this is home."--Frankie's earlier words haunted her. "I don't have a home." --"And when I woke up today, it's -- I can't even describe it. It's like anything is possible, you know?" Bianca was too overwhelmed by her own feelings to notice that Frankie wasn't in agreement.
"No." Bianca's eyes shot over to her. "God, Bianca, I feel more trapped than ever." Bianca's heart sank. God, I wish anything were possible. I wish I could just stop this horrible mess I've gotten myself into. She almost cried at the thought. I can't bear to hurt her, but it looks like I'm hurting her anyway, by trying not to hurt her...I can't win!
Bianca moved to sit next to Frankie on the bed.
"Tell me what you meant when you said that you felt trapped." Frankie sighed.
"I don't know. Just forget it, ok?" She looked down, wishing she hadn't said anything. It was getting harder and harder to lie to her.
"Do I make you feel that way?" Bianca tried again. She held her breath as Frankie's arm reached over her, disappointed when it only retracted with her shirt.
"Look, we're just hanging out. Don't make a big deal out of it." She said coldly, getting up from the bed. Maybe if I can get out of it now... Even as she thought it, she knew it wasn't true.
Bianca was shocked. "It is a big deal -- to me." Frankie stood facing her, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. "I -- you know, I've never stood up to my mother like this before."
"I had nothing to do with that." Frankie protested, her admiration of the girl showing. "That was all you. I just happened to be around when it all happened."
"No, it's more than that." Bianca continued. "It's like -- I love my mother." Frankie smiled.
"I got that."
"And I -- I keep expecting her to accept me for who I am. And then you come along --"
"She freaks."
"And -- and I realize that this is going to keep happening, even though she loves me, too. I'm going to meet somebody, and I'm going to like them--" Frankie's heart skipped a beat. "--and that's going to set her off over and over and over and over again, and it's got to stop. And you made me see that. That's why I feel like I owe you." This is new...someone feeling like they owe me?
